I recently heard a lecture which begged the questions: Can obstacles
in life be strength builders or destroyers, are we the product of our
circumstances? These questions led me to reflect on how different people mitigate
the obstacles in their lives. How do you view obstacles in your life? Do you
let them leave you feeling defeated? Or, do you try to gain strength from the
experience, learn a lesson from it and try to move forward? Do you react to
certain situations differently from others? Is your reaction different based on
the circumstance (e.g., family illnesses, personal illness, tax obligations,
job loss, struggles with a manager, house catastrophes, etc.)? Whenever you are
put in a situation that puts you in a funk and causes you to think "What have
I done with my life?" and "What will I do now?” how do you bounce
back, rectify the issue, learn from it, and move forward to determine the next
best solution?
After doing our taxes and having a child, my husband and I
realized that we may need to move in order to accommodate our shifting
priorities and whether I should stay home full-time or part-time with our
newborn. Before our daughter was born, we lived in the heart of the downtown Boston
and relished in the urban lifestyle that comes with dining out multiple times
per week, walking everywhere, driving less, enjoying short commutes, and living
in a small space. We didn't mind. Everything was convenient for us and our
priorities were met. Last fall, we moved to Cambridge to a larger place to
accommodate family and the impending arrival of our newborn. After having a
child, I have realized being in the hub of the city isn't as important to me as
it is to have flexibility in working hours so I can spend more time with my
baby. I had expectations of maintaining certain aspects of our previous life
that would be accommodated in this new location: dining out, shopping in the
city, seeing friends, going to events etc. However, those activities don't
occur as much as I thought they would and living slightly farther from the city
hasn’t deterred me from visiting my favorite coffee shop in another part of the
city. Now, when I visit my favorite spots in the city, I appreciate them more
and savor the experience. But I’ve also realized that my priorities have shifted
and I am totally okay with that. In fact, I didn't even realize that my
priorities shifted until I encountered an obstacle involving our financial future.
This came to light when my mom and I were discussing our living
situations and we realized that we both have come to a crossroads. Initially, I
got defensive and agitated at the thought of moving again and even further from
my beloved view of downtown. Then I started to think: Maybe some of my mom’s
comments about wanting things I hadn't before made sense. Maybe now I’d prefer
to live closer to the grocery store, maybe now I’d prefer to spend less on
living in the heart of the city so I can have more disposable income and can
spend more time with our daughter. What are my priorities now? What are my
life intentions now?
I've always had a problem with the change that comes with a
major life adjustment (e.g., moving, marriage, illness etc.). Now, I am experiencing
another life change that is prompting me to re-evaluate what is most important
to me. Not discounting tears and yelling matches and memories of fun times
passed, it's saner to address these changes now as opposed to sticking my feet
in the mud and having to deal with exacerbated problems later. As my mom always
said "pain now or more pain later". Ugh, I hate it when she’s right!
The next time, one of these obstacles arises for you, view it as
a way to re-evaluate your life goals and intentions for growth and development.
What are your goals for you, your family, and your career? Be honest with
yourself and what your priorities are now, 5 years from now and so on. Slowly
shift and set your expectations accordingly so these obstacles no longer seem
like obstacles but rather, opportunities to develop and push yourself closer to
your life’s intentions.
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